Funny One Liners

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

April Fools' Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

It is said that, a way to a man's heart goes through a stomach. Aha...you might think that men go to their lovers to eat some soup.