Funny One Liners

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me. I said u look really fat in those pants!

Why do they call it Alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'Hi, My name is John and I am an alcoholic'

Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: Nice girls blush when they watch porn, Good girls smile cause they know they can do better

Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about me! How about you?

A relationship with no trust is like a phone with no service. And when you phone has no service, What do you do? You play games

Beers are full of female hormones. After I drink a pack I can't drive a car and I start behaving illogically