Funny One Liners

A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts

A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle

If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine

There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you