Funny One Liners

I run faster horny than you do scared.

I don’t insult people, I just describe them.

My new password is "incorrect". This way, whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "Your password is incorrect"

I prayed to God for a car, but prayers doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop".

Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace & choose to pay for self destruction

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artists, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I'm making him draw a pirate.