Funny One Liners

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naive to know she's way out of my league.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.