Funny One Liners

If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill."

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

I'm not crazy; I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.

No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?

Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.

An idea came to the mind, and now she's searching for the brain.