Funny One Liners

I hate that feeling when I am about to hug someone extremely sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Level, racecar and kayak are words known as palindromes. They can be read the same from left to right or right to left.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt

Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.