People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made
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My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing
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Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days
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The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead
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Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time
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A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
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You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you're sleeping with.
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