Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason
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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, "I'm fine" than when you are flying on an airplane.
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I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies
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Apparently, saying "Wow, you've grown since I last saw you" isn't deemed socially acceptable when said to adults
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