I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
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When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor"
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My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account
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I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
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A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
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