Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells
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What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes
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Tomorrow is April Fools Day. Believe nothing, and trust no one. "So it's like any other day."
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I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once
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My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
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What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car
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