All One Liners and Comebacks

One Liners

The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free

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One Liners

I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now

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One Liners

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human

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One Liners

Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday

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One Liners

The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring

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One Liners

You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best

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One Liners

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser

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