How do you keep black people out of your back yard? Hang one in the front!
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Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
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There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
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My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her.
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One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
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