Funny One Liners

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius.

I am busy contemplating my future. Don't worry, this will only take a minute.

Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.

There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers.