Funny One Liners

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Never underestimate a woman's ability to make anything your fault.

Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Why are Scientology and Proctology alike? It's all a load of shit.