People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
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I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!
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Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty.
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If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.
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Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!
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