You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
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I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
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It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
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A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
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Never underestimate a woman's ability to make anything your fault.
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Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number.
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Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
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