All One Liners and Comebacks

One Liners

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

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One Liners

However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.

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One Liners

If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

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One Liners

To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.

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One Liners

If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.

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One Liners

If you feel lonely, down, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up. Remember, you can always change your birthday on Facebook!

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One Liners

When your kids are little, you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.

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