Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
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Everything has to be related in a woman: if the mouth shuts, the legs open.
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If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
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Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
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What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
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Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
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