Latest Funny One Liners

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila

I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream